Being part of a discordant couple, Kenya

Being part of a discordant couple, Kenya

The lament of the HIV-positive partner

I don't believe that you are negative

You caused me to be infected through your carelessness

You don't love me

You don't give me enough care

You are looking for other partners out there

You don't do what I want you to do

I think I am a burden to you

I wish I died a long time ago

Don't worry, I am on my way to death, soon I will be out of your way

You don't know what I am going through

I am tired of taking the medicine


The lament of the HIV-negative partner

I think you always had this disease

I am not convinced that you got it recently

You either follow my instructions or I leave you

I am not the one who infected you; why are you hanging onto me?

I have important things to do other than to sit listening to you

If you want to die, go on and die, I am not God to heal you

You are a burden on my family

I have experienced countless blames and accusations

There were a lot of misunderstandings

Many times I wished I was not alive to go through all this

Many times I have been tempted to run away from the family

I have been stigmatized as much as my spouse

But the grace of God bound me to my family and I thank God


The advantages of being a discordant partner

I learnt to empathise with those who are infected and affected, to put myself in their place

It taught me to be patient with the sick and suffering

I came to understand that people never get infected because they are sinners and that anyone can be infected anytime if the right precautions are not taken

It humbled me to listen to all people

I learnt to serve and not to be served

It has opened the door to sharing my feelings with many who are like me

I learnt that infection can be in many ways

I learnt to love all people

It has opened the door to a great knowledge and deep understanding about the people of God

It has brought me countless blessings


The disadvantages of being a discordant partner

For a long time I struggled against the stigma

I was very much uncomfortable with the situation

I was always tired because of overworking myself

Sometimes I was so stressed that I just went to bed and cried

Many times I felt lonely and lost

People living positive don't trust those living negative

People living negative reject you; when they do welcome you they are suspicious